everything is going well, have had the feeling of needing to ruin something soon. i've been attracted to red and have been drawing in a little notebook all the time because i'm afraid to let my mind wander. collected four big white-framed window panes, the blooming flowers off the trees from the sidewalk, spent three stops alone on an empty subway car with a person in a ski mask in the middle of the night, thought about my constructed world. spent premeditated days with my heart beating too fast for hours and listened very closely with my jaw clenched.