few hours into the month found something to feel scared about - haven't felt scared for a long time before then. thought of leaving- tried to find the restart button but couldn't. became obsessed with painting- just lines and color on white. i spent a lot of time alone in the late afternoons going to museums and all the spring activities in the city. i quit my day job. very often i would still be trying to fall asleep and watching the light change through my window when my alarm would go off in the morning, i can't figure out what to do about that. went away to suburbs in virginia for a while and made sure to accomplish nothing. have been falling way way more in love with art but not with my own. wrote in my notes "you're drawing lines all over a blank piece of paper and thinking that you're connecting dots".
